This November has been heavy on my heart.

Last weekend, we celebrated Father’s Day in Finland for the first time without my father, who passed away late last year. I carry thoughts of him with me every day, but these past weeks have felt especially heavy. To add to the weight, our beloved dog was in a serious accident and got dangerous injuries. This past week has been a blur of sleepless nights, spent trying to comfort him as he battles the pain and navigates the haze of strong medication. He’s already undergone two surgeries, and while I hold onto hope for his recovery, the journey ahead will be long—weeks of healing from two broken bones and badly infected wounds.

In the midst of it all, I’ve found myself yearning to escape—to run away from the darkness, the grief, the rawness of this time of year. Somewhere far, where the sun warms the skin and the pain feels like a distant shadow. But I know, deep down, that running wouldn’t erase the pain. Life brings its sorrows no matter where we stand—even under the brightest skies.

So I stay. I hold on. I try to navigate this dark season and search for slivers of light in the smallest of things. These last few days, it has been the glow of a candle lit in the early morning stillness, the beauty of the Full Moon, fleeting rays of sunlight painting the eastern sky at dawn, and the stars—both in the heavens when the clouds part and in the form of a Christmas star my husband lovingly placed in our window. These small moments, fragile yet radiant, have been my anchors. Tiny sparks of warmth, light, and hope.

If November has been hard for you too, please know you’re not alone. We walk through the darkness together, side by side, until the light appears. And it will appear—there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care, and may you find your own small sparks of warmth and hope.

Rituals for November to make it a bit more easier to navigate

NAMES: 
Marraskuu, according to the death (marras) or spirits of the deceased

November (English), the ninth month according to the Latin novem, ‘nine’. November was the ninth month in the Roman calendar.

Digging Moon (Tlingit), Deer Rutting Moon (Dakota, Lakota), Whitefish Moon (Algonquin), Freezing Moon (Anishinaabe)

SPECIAL DAYS

• Celtic Samhain 1.11.
• Mexican Day of the Dead (Día de Muertos) 1.-2.11.
• All Saint’s Day 
• Father’s Day (second Sunday in November in Finland)

November is among the darkest months of the year. The Milky Way, adorned with its countless stars, shines brightly in the sky, provided one can escape the clutches of light pollution. In the eastern sky, the misty cluster of stars known as the Pleiades, or the Seven Sisters, stands out prominently. As night falls, the familiar W-shaped constellation of Cassiopeia graces the canopy above. Furthermore, Sirius, the brightest star in the nighttime sky, casts its radiant glow across the heavens. Occasionally, the Taurid meteor shower’s shooting stars streak across the sky. Apart from the brilliance of stars and planets, little else is bright in nature: the sun rises ever later, and the once vibrant hues of fallen leaves upon the earth dim and fade. The entire landscape transforms into a palette of gray, enveloped in a misty shroud that often obscures the view, both in the mornings and evenings. The damp, chilly air sends shivers down the spine, prompting retreat beneath the warmth of covers earlier in the evening. As the mist drifts through the darkened backyard, it evokes the sensation that spirits are indeed afoot.

The name “November” in English comes from Latin and signifies the ninth month in the Roman calendar. Native American tribes referred to the moon with names that depicted natural phenomena occurring in their regions, such as the “Deer Rutting Moon” or the “Freezing Moon”. Here in Finland, November is truly the month of death – it’s evident even in the name of the month: “marras” (or “marta“) refers to a person dying or a spirit of the deceased.

In November, nature, in a sense, begins to die down as it settles into winter hibernation. According to the Institute for the Languages of Finland, there is another perspective on the origin of the name November: it may allude to the belief that at this time of year, the spirits of the dead, “martaat,” are active. The transition from October to November has traditionally been a day of remembrance for the dead around the world: Halloween, Día de Muertos, kekri, All Saints’ Day, all fall around this time. In the rituals of November, we still delve into remembering the deceased. In many cultures, it’s believed that at this time of year, the borders between the different worlds are particularly fragile, and the dead are allowed to visit the world of the living. The spirits of the deceased have been approached with reverence, and their presence has been felt as natural, as they are our ancestors and are here to protect and assist us, the future generations.

November Ritual: Remembering Ancestors, Spirits, and the Dead

The tradition of remembering and honoring the deceased has deep roots in Finnish culture. It was believed that even after death, you should take care of ancestors and loved ones, and in return, they remained as protectors of the family and household spirits. Speaking ill of the deceased was discouraged, as it was believed they could still hear us even after death.

So called vapaasielu, “the free soul” (one of the three souls in Finnish traditional belief system) of the dead soon transitioned to etävainajala, the distant realm of the underworld, such as Tuonela or Heaven, but another part of the soul, ruumissielu, “the body soul”, could linger near the family and home, in lähivainajala, the nearby spirit realm, at least until their body decomposed. Therefore, remembering the deceased also involved acknowledging them in everyday life and festivities.

In daily life, one can remember the deceased by wearing grandma’s old scarf, using grandpa’s cherished tools, or baking according to a recipe passed down through generations. Pictures of ancestors and beloved ones who have crossed the border can adorn the home altar, and we can reminisce about shared experiences with the departed.

Writing a letter to a deceased loved one can be a cathartic and touching experience – if you didn’t have the chance to say everything to them while they were alive, you can always write them a symbolic letter. You can take the letter to the grave or burn it and scatter the ashes in a place meaningful to you or the deceased.

On holidays such as Kekri, All Saints’ Day, Christmas, or the anniversary of birth and death, we can bring flowers to the grave, set a place for the departed at the dinner table, or decorate the altar in their memory.

You can also offer a small food sacrifice in honor of your ancestors. In ancient times, it was customary to leave the first catch of berries, mushrooms, game, or fish on a sacrificial stone or stump as a gift to the departed and spirits to secure a good catch in the future.

If you can’t visit the cemetery where your loved ones or ancestors are buried, you can create your own memorial grove in your backyard, where you can place a candle or lantern, animal bones found in the forest, and beautiful flowers in memory of your loved ones, or go to a crossroads to remember them. Our ancestors believed that crossroads were places where they could connect with the guardian spirits and the departed.

November Ritual: Immerse Yourself in Stories of the Sky

Our celestial canopy is filled with captivating tales, and as we approach the darkest moments of the year, it’s delightful to delve deeper into the stories of the stars. One of the star clusters visible in November is the Pleiades. The Pleiades, known as the “Seven Sisters,” resembles a miniature version of the Big Dipper and can be seen clearly in the eastern sky during November. In Finnish folklore, this cluster of stars is also referred to as Väinämöisen viikate, The Scythe of Väinämöinen. The other Finnish name is “Seulaset” (translates freely sieves), which is considered a mistranslation from German; “Sieb” means sieve, but “Siebengestirn” refers to the seven stars. Even though only six stars are visible to the naked eye, there are indeed seven stars in the cluster. The Japanese, who call the Pleiades “Subaru,” have adopted this symbolism in the logo of the Subaru car brand, showcasing six stars instead of seven in their logo. The tale of the Seven Sisters may be one of the oldest enduring stories in the world, with versions recounted among the Mayans and Aboriginal peoples, among others. Westerners are most familiar with the Greek mythology version of the story. The Pleiades were seven daughters of the titan Atlas and the nymph Pleione, who were pursued by the mythical hunter Orion. Seeking help, the sisters were transformed into doves and then into stars by the supreme god Zeus. Orion is a constellation located between Taurus, Canis Major, and Gemini, whose seven stars form a figure resembling an hourglass and which the Greeks saw as the figure of a hunter. When you look up at the sky, it might appear as though Orion is still hunting for the Pleiades.

In Finland, the three-star configuration of Orion’s belt has been called Väinämöinen’s belt. When the Scythe of Väinämöinen and Belt of Väinömöinen appeared to the night sky in early fall, it signaled it’s the time to begin the hay making.

November Ritual: Begin Feeding the Small Birds

In many cultures, such as Finnish ancient beliefs, birds held significant importance as messengers between the living and the dead. While the swan guarded the gates of the Underworld Tuonela, the call of the woodpecker in the yard could signify death. However, small birds, especially sparrows, were believed to be soul birds, representing recently departed loved ones or messengers bringing greetings from beyond the border.

November is an opportune time to start feeding the small birds, and this feeding commitment should be maintained regularly until the ground is no longer frozen. Observing birds at the feeding spot brings both joy and peace to your heart. At the same time, you can also remember deceased relatives or friends, and if you are fortunate, you may even receive the message you’ve been longing for from the other side.

Here’s a picture of a beautiful bird feeder my late father built for our yard when I was a child. It even had Christmas lights in it. <3